The Untold Stories of Female Leaders
Quite often, our first impressions of women who are successful and worked hard to get to where they are in life, we can often think "oh they must have it all together" or "I wish I had their confidence". In reality, there lurks a darker secret hiding below the surface.
For a women to succeed in their career and make their way to an executive level position, it requires tenacity, resilience and a whole lotta grit.. and this often comes from a challenging childhood, which is a key element that helps professional women succeed.
When we think about childhood trauma, we often think of scenarios such as a child being severely neglected with little access to food or clothing, perhaps living in foster care, sexually abused or physically beaten with constant bruises. While this definitely meets the criteria for childhood trauma, it is also a stereotype.
Trauma can take many forms, many of which are invisible to the naked eye but have a profound impact on our overall wellbeing and development. Trauma can look like our parents constantly pushing us to achieve, achieve, ACHIEVE. Or it may be that they criticise us behind closed doors but to the outside world, they put on a happy facade and no one is any the wiser... except for the child who develops a sense about themselves that something is inherently wrong but they can't quite pinpoint what it is.
How I describe trauma to my clients is something that happened too much, too quick, too soon for the body and mind to cope... or perhaps it was something that happened too little, too often (as in the case of emotional neglect).
This can often skew our view of ourselves, the world, and other people. Instead of developing a healthy sense of self-esteem, trauma can leave us pushing for more. More perfection. More approval. More love. More validation. More success. But this desire for more comes from wanting to avoid the pain that lives inside of us. The pain of:
Not feeling good enough.
Feeling unlovable.
Feeling unworthy.
Fearing abandonment
Fearing rejection
So women push themselves to their limits, because if they can just prove themselves to the world, then they hope they will finally feel confident.
Except every success they reach, every promotion, award, praise or salary increase they receive doesn't fill the void. So they keep trying to distract themselves. They overwork themselves, use alcohol or cocaine, overeat, restrict their food intake, spend a lot of money online, go on luxury holidays to escape only to realise their pain follows them.
If you're a professional woman who finds herself resonating with this article, then perhaps it is time for you to Get Over Yourself and finally learn how to love yourself enough to move forward.
Until next week,
Eloise xx