How to Detach your Self-Worth from Your Achievements

Highly successful women are often the last people you would expect to have low self-esteem. When you look at their achievements, high income and reputation, you would expect them to be oozing self-confidence to have gotten as far as they have.

However, confidence isn't a key ingredient for success.

Even though they have the skills, experience, intelligence and education to reach the top, there is often another motivation behind their pursuit for success lurking underneath the surface. What we often don't see is that many of these women had many doubts, fears, insecurities, and feeling unworthy... stemming from childhood's where they were criticised for not being good enough, compared to their siblings or peers, or were dismissed for expressing their individuality.

There is no doubt that those early experiences allowed women to develop skills of resilience, grit, determination, which also played a huge role in their professional success.

When those memories and feelings are left unresolved, women can chase success as a way to prove to themselves that they are worthy. Seeking external validation through achievements can become a way to avoid the discomfort of experiencing our feelings. We don't want to acknowledge that our lack of confidence comes from not liking who we are.

3 ways to detach ourselves from our accomplishments

1. Accept that worthiness cannot be earned
   The way to combat this is through acceptance. Acceptance of who you are. Acceptance of your strengths. Acceptance of your flaws. Acceptance of the parts of yourself you love. Acceptance of the parts that are more difficult to love. All of these parts of you are worthy.
   

2. Feel your emotions
   Our pursuit of success often comes from wanting to avoid uncomfortable emotions. It is understandable that feeling like a failure, or imposter syndrome, people-pleasing and self-doubt all feel icky. But, if we want to develop true self-worth and confidence, then we need to get comfortable with the discomfort of our emotions. EMDR can be a great coaching tool to support the release of those emotional blockages.

3. Celebrate the parts of you that have nothing to do with accomplishment
   Write a list of all of the things you notice about yourself that have nothing to do with your professional success. This can be hard to do if you are not used to thinking about yourself outside of your successes. The first time you do this, it may take some creative thinking, but it will get easier with time.

Successful women are incredibly resilient and determined, and deserve to feel confident and happy within themselves. The journey to self-confidence is one of personal discovery, self-accountability, and action-taking, and is so rewarding.

Until next week,

Eloise.